As we waited for the show date to come around, my then-BFF Kristina and I started to wonder how we could meet her when she came to town. As we both had restaurant experience (she in the back of house, me in front) we thought about putting in a bid to cater the show. The hitch? Neither of us had any experience with "putting in a bid"; we knew what it meant but were unsure how to actually do it in a way that didn't make us look look like lunatics. We knew we could pull off the catering part but since we didn't even have a business (you know, with like actual letterhead and such) we figured we would appear to be just what we were: fans looking to meet SB.
As fate would have it, we were discussing this at work one night and our boss, Lowell - the owner of the Dakota, overheard us.
"What's this you're trying to do?"
"Cater Sandra Bernhard's show at the Guthrie Theater."
"I have known Sue (who booked acts for the Guthrie) for more than 20 years, would you like me to call on your behalf?"
"Um, yes. I mean YES! YES! YES!"
The next day, he gave her a call and despite her (correctly placed) concerns, she agreed to let us do it based on just Lowell's reference. She probably would have been less suspicious if we hadn't offered to do the job for just the cost of goods but we were desperate and it seemed like the best way to make sure our bid was lowest.
Cut to the night of the show. We arrive with plenty of time to set up and get the backstage area ready. As show time approaches we're getting nervous. Sandra goes on in about a half hour from now - she won't have time to eat. Will she? With our excitement turning to disappointment, we tried to find something to get happy about. Maybe she'll come by after the show? Maybe we'll get to glimpse her as she heads out the stage door and into her waiting town car?
With show time rapidly approaching we were just about to give up and head out to our seats when - ta-da! - there she is! In the middle of hair and make up, she and her assistant and band came down to get a bite before the show. Success! Everyone is thrilled with the food (most venues will fulfill the requirements of the contract but only just barely) because we, naturally, had pulled out all the stops and went way, WAY above and beyond. The big bonus? Sandra was very nice! She was super chatty and happily posed for pictures even though she was wearing big rollers in her hair.
Pre-show meal complete, we head out to our seats (as she was leaving, Sandra turned and said, "Do you guys need tickets for the show?" which we thought was super cool). As I mentioned earlier, we bought tickets with a group of friends. As we took our seats the friends were very concerned, "Where have you been? The show could have started any time!") but we were able to brush them off with a simple, "Oh no, we were just back stage with Sandra and she's just finishing getting ready and should be out soon. The best part? We had Polaroids to show everyone! Oh yes, we were very cool people that night!
There are several other bits to the story that were memorable (e.g. having to track down some pot "for the band") but the best footnote has to do with Remy Martin (with a water back, godammit!") a very lovely cognac that is featured prominently in her first show, Without You, I'm Nothing. We had no idea if she really liked Remy or if it was just part of the act but it turns out she really does love it. For her encore she reached back and did the Remy Martin bit - with the bottle of Remy (and brandy snifters) that we brought. We feel we can honestly say that the Minneapolis crowd would not have been treated to such a thing had we not thought to bring (mostly as a joke) the bottle of Remy. After the show (we did get to see her then, as well) we told her we weren't sure if she really liked the stuff or not, to which she replied (in a fake, drunken slur), "I love my Remy Martin!" She left with the bottle but left the snifters behind. I still have the one she used, I even left it unwashed for years because there was a lipstick stain. :)
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